A love found..

It's 6 am in the morning and I am standing on my open terrace staring at nothing. When the chirping of the birds, draws my attention back into the present. It's been a long night. A nigh spent in laughter and joy, then later in tears and memory. 

Often times, all the feelings that I ran away from, came up to the surface. What did I do? I ran further away from them time and time again. Denying them. Consoling myself, that I am strong. I am strong enough. Really? Was that my strength? Or was it just running away from all that there was. 

Tonight, there was no escaping. I was ready to face whatever comes up. And I did! 

It feels like a lifetime. The time I first met him. The time when we came close as best friends, and then as lovers. It has been a totally different world from then. My universe, my sunshine - him. It's been a lifetime, of out togetherness. Of the love, the passion, the compassion we shared. As well as of the hate, the jealousy and the hurt we put each other through. Breaking each other's hearts time and time again. Dispersing into our own wolds, only to come back and unite again. Was I not able to let go? YES. Was he not able to let go? Don't know. But going down the memory lane, I look at everything that there is to US now. 

I know what you are thinking. So what's new here? Everyone has the same story to tell. Wait. There is a difference. 

We are different, yet the same. Poles apart, yet similar at the core. IT IS ALL THE SAME. Nothing has changed over the years. I am the same Kanchan I always was. To him. He is the same he always was - to me. We are close enough to understand how far we are from each other. We care enough to let the other take care of them-self. We love enough, to let each other go.. 

It has been a lifetime. A good one. And a bad one too. I always held on to the good, denying the bad. I always held on to false hope, consoling myself - that someday, one fine day, everything will just be back to normal. I held on to my emotions. The ones which were not required, denying those, which needed expression, needed clearing. And tonight, brought me the courage to look into those emotions in the eye, face them and let myself be immersed in the intensity of them. For my own good. I cried. And cried some more. ITS OVER. It is finally over. 

I AM AWAKE NOW. No. Not literally. I am awake in my own being. 

The sleep has ended. The illusions are gone. The layers peeled. Masks have been taken away. 

THE STORM HAS PASSED. All that remains now is, the quiet, the silence, the void. An empty space. A space, which can never be filled by other. Only love lingers there. A love so strong. A love lived well. A love experienced well. A love lost.. JUST LOVE. 

I am awake to see, hear, feel this. The world outside now, is just a reminder of this awareness within me. The stillness. The tranquility. 

It is 6 am in the morning and the skies are starting to lighten up. The rays of the sun come out from the far end of the dense, dark clouds. My awareness screams out to the universe - The storm has passed. I am healed. Cycles are complete. I am free. He is free. The chirping of the birds remind me how chattered my mind was. How I couldn't listen to the rhythms in them. Today, is different. Today that space in my head is clear. Today, there is no angst, no anger, no hatred towards the other. There is JUST LOVE. Because, once, in my life, I craved for it, I wanted it and today, I appreciate it. 

He brought the gift of love well into my life. Maybe his role ends here. Because in the love that is lost.. I a found a new love. For MY SELF.